Miami’s Pedestrians Fearless, Cops Busy, and City a Toilet, According to Fox Sports

I came across this funny tid bit of information regarding the Super Bowl and the author Kevin Hench’s thoughts on his visit to Miami.

Regarding pedestrians:

There’s nothing pedestrian about Miami foot traffic.

“If there were a Super Bowl for pedestrians, Miamians would be the ’72 Dolphins. They are aggressive, fearless and — despite their best efforts in front of my car this week — unblemished. They come at you so fast and hard off the sidewalk that you start worrying not about hitting them but about getting hit by them. There were a couple of times I had to punch it to avoid getting T-boned by a guy with a serious need to get to the other side. I was flying down Washington in Miami Beach when I thought this young woman had decided to commit suicide. She bolted in front of me while her friend put on the brakes and held up. The near-death experience hardly dampened their moods as I could see them sharing a laugh across the thoroughfare in my rearview mirror.”

Regarding Civic Pride

Miami is hardly overflowing with civic pride.

“On 560 A.M. Friday morning, the hosts were rattling off a list of things listeners were worried that Super Bowl tourists were going to discover about Miami. After rattling off a Top 10 list of all that ails the city, one of the hosts punctuated the bit with ‘I wonder if they’ll figure out that South Beach is only a few blocks long and the rest of the city is a toilet.'”

Regarding Miami’s finest:

Miami’s finest must be fighting real crime.

“How you would even begin to police traffic laws in this nebulous matrix of 9-point font signage and wacky civil engineering is beyond me. But the good news for me is that when you make an illegal left turn right in front of a cop, apparently he’s got bigger fish to fry. Not one but two sirens went off behind me just after I swung my proscribed left off Flagler and onto Miami Avenue (missing your street could mean another 45 minutes in traffic, so you have to weigh “no turns” signs accordingly). I was already working up my little-boy-lost, out-of-towner defense when both cops turned off behind me.”

Suffice to say, this article was not at all flattering, but still rather amusing. Coming from a sports media source, I take any information regaring my city’s hospitality with a grain of salt.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Miami’s Pedestrians Fearless, Cops Busy, and City a Toilet, According to Fox Sports

  1. FrenchyMiami

    Can’t really comment on those…They take me by surprise..

  2. These are just petty remarks. The cop one I find pretty funny. Myself, I haven’t had the best luck with regards to traffic tickets and Miami cops, but this guy was visiting Miami, so he has no clue what he’s talking about. The city being a toilet comment is outrageous, and that person should take a hike to Colorado and not look back. The truth is that the author carried these impressions of Miami with him back home and not only shared them with the country via Fox Sports, but probably his colleagues too. Not one comment he made was positive. Maybe that’s why I follow ESPN and not FOX Sports. Oh well, you can’t make them all happy.

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