Daily Archives: February 5, 2007

Miami’s Pedestrians Fearless, Cops Busy, and City a Toilet, According to Fox Sports

I came across this funny tid bit of information regarding the Super Bowl and the author Kevin Hench’s thoughts on his visit to Miami.

Regarding pedestrians:

There’s nothing pedestrian about Miami foot traffic.

“If there were a Super Bowl for pedestrians, Miamians would be the ’72 Dolphins. They are aggressive, fearless and — despite their best efforts in front of my car this week — unblemished. They come at you so fast and hard off the sidewalk that you start worrying not about hitting them but about getting hit by them. There were a couple of times I had to punch it to avoid getting T-boned by a guy with a serious need to get to the other side. I was flying down Washington in Miami Beach when I thought this young woman had decided to commit suicide. She bolted in front of me while her friend put on the brakes and held up. The near-death experience hardly dampened their moods as I could see them sharing a laugh across the thoroughfare in my rearview mirror.”

Regarding Civic Pride

Miami is hardly overflowing with civic pride.

“On 560 A.M. Friday morning, the hosts were rattling off a list of things listeners were worried that Super Bowl tourists were going to discover about Miami. After rattling off a Top 10 list of all that ails the city, one of the hosts punctuated the bit with ‘I wonder if they’ll figure out that South Beach is only a few blocks long and the rest of the city is a toilet.'”

Regarding Miami’s finest:

Miami’s finest must be fighting real crime.

“How you would even begin to police traffic laws in this nebulous matrix of 9-point font signage and wacky civil engineering is beyond me. But the good news for me is that when you make an illegal left turn right in front of a cop, apparently he’s got bigger fish to fry. Not one but two sirens went off behind me just after I swung my proscribed left off Flagler and onto Miami Avenue (missing your street could mean another 45 minutes in traffic, so you have to weigh “no turns” signs accordingly). I was already working up my little-boy-lost, out-of-towner defense when both cops turned off behind me.”

Suffice to say, this article was not at all flattering, but still rather amusing. Coming from a sports media source, I take any information regaring my city’s hospitality with a grain of salt.

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